Half way there!!!!

Finally, after Halloween, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Martin Luther King Jr., after 4 visits to the ER, 3 ear infections, the croup, stomach virus, and a 2 week long cold, continuing fever, 7 weeks in Tx, and 3 1/2 months....we have officially made it half way. 3 1/2 months doesn't seem like a long time, but it feels like it has been a year, and I feel like the next 3 1/2 months can not go by fast enough. I knew that taking care of two girls alone would be hard, but I didn't know it would be this hard, that the challenges are never ending. My poor little Ava has had a reoccuring fever for the past week, it gets up to 106. I have taken her to the ER and the doctors office, it's hard to know what to do in this situation. The doctors say that a fever is not much to worry about it's how they act with the fever, but the ER doctors say that they should come in immediately if they have a fever that high, and then all they do is drug them up so the fever breaks and send em home!! All I want is my husband home, he might not know more than me with taking care of the kids, but at least he would be here to help and comfort me and calm me down from freaking out when my sick baby can't stop crying. Why does being a parent have to be so hard, I wish they could tell us what was wrong with them, or somehow know for sure how bad the situation is. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally drained and exhausted...functioning is just not on the list right now, but having to be there for your babies is not something that can be put on hold till you get a little nap, food, or even a shower, it's a 24 hour job especially when they don't feel well. Even if they are sleeping or napping I am still worrying, wondering if the fever has gone down, do I take her to the ER...what do I do? It's such a bittersweet time, knowing that we have made it half way, but then knowing we have as long left as we just got through, knowing that all the things we have been through these past few months could happen again over and over.

Mommy!!

Most days being a mom is so rewarding, I get paid with sweet smiles, slobbery kisses, and the chance to see my girls grow and learn before my eyes. But why is it when they are sick we don't get a little pay? I'm getting paid with no sleep, sucking out boogers, fussy girls, and the worst exhaustion of my life. We are now going on 2 1/2 weeks of being sick and the girls got it in full force, sometimes I don't know what to do. Raising two kids alone is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I can't rely on my other half to help me out when I need a little sleep or when I need to feel better too. I can't wait to have my husband home, not only to have our family together again, but to also get a little break! The past few days have felt like they are never going to end, no naps, no sleep, no eating, no breaks...what do I do? As I sit here complaining, knowing that it is not going to make my life any easier or make my girls or me any better, I can hear them through the monitor in their room saying hi back and forth to each other. It's encouraging to hear there is still some sweet pea in them even when they don't feel well, that's more than I can say about myself. I have been in one of the worst moods of my life, because it is so discouraging being sick for so long and knowing that your doctor won't do a thing about it, that I can't get out of my funk, and I know it's not the girls fault and that them getting sick is only my fault, so why should I take it out on them.

Calling In!

Why is it that being a mom we can't just call in sick, we don't have any sick days built into our job? When we don't feel well we still have to change poopy diapers, give baths, be playmate, kiss booboo's, make our children three meals a day and two snacks, and have to cook whoever else wants food in the family, we still have to take them to Dr. appointments, and have them dressed and grocery shop. And of course the one day we aren't feeling well they want to wake up early and not nap. I wouldn't change being a mom for anything, but anyone who thinks being a mom is an easy job or is not a full time job, come take care of my kids for a couple days while you are not feeling well, I'm sure your mind will change!! I know it's not my girls fault that I don't feel well, but I would just like to call in sick today and not show up for work!

Day 14- A picture from your cell phone!

Since most of my pictures are taken from my cell phone, since I always have it on me it's the most convenient thing to use! I had a hard time choosing which photo to pick, and since lately my girls won't sit next to each other long enough to get a picture together, I had to choose two!

My sweet Ava opening a book from her grandma!!

Christmas 2010

My sweet Jaelyn playing with her car from grandma! This is the only toy they played with for a week, then they discovered all the other ones!

Christmas 2010

I loved seeing the joy in their sweet little faces over a new toy or a new book, I wish we could all be children again and have something so small bring such sweet smiles to everyones faces. Christmas was suprisingly a good day, I got to spend it with my sweet peas and I got a phone call from my hubby, the only thing more I could have asked for was him being there...maybe next year!!

finally home!

Yesterday as we started our day out to a rough start, since the girls never do what I want them to when I want them to, they got up too early for the long day that I knew we would have. We left for the airport at 9:45 our flight left at 12:35 (that's missing nap number 1), they finally fell asleep for about an hour and it is not comfortable holding 20 lbs still for that long. The flight was actually half way decent, a little fussing here and there but not bad. My sweet neighbor picked us up from the airport, and I had to say goodbye to my mom after 7 weeks of her help was really hard, I miss her already! After such a long day the girls were exhausted but I just couldn't put them to bed at 5 p.m. and holding them off for bed is a nightmare. We finally made it to 6:30...the poor things didn't really remember their room and were scared at first and woke up a couple times crying not knowing where they were! I am hoping now that the holidays are over and we are back to our daily normal routine time will start to go by a little faster. The first 4 weeks flew by in a blink of an eye, but since then it has been creeping so slowly that I feel that we will never make it. I feel that this life has become normal, and I hate that, this is not my life...I know I'm a military wife and this is how it is, but I am married and my girls have an amazing daddy! I want that life back!

"At night when I crawl in my bed,
My lonely pillow beneath my head,
I close my eyes and say a prayer.
God keep him safe way over there,
And make me strong so I won't cry.

It's kind of hard to be alone,
And teach the kids as they've grown,
Without the strength of a fathers hand
To guide them in this troubled land.

So I'll need a little help from you,
to let me know what I should do.
And God will you please let him know,
that we love and miss him so.

And then I feel across the bed,
To where he used to lay his head,
And I close my eyes so very tight,
So I won't cry again tonight,
And whisper to the evening air,
Good night my love way over there!"

It is a new year!

2010 was a good year, it was full of love, family, and good times...there wasn't anything too exciting that happened, other than my girls turned 1. Although ringing in the new year our first year of marriage we spent it in Vegas (and I was sick), then last year we didn't even make it to midnight (sick again), this year I spent it with family, but I didn't get to ring in the new year with a kiss from my husband, and althought we didn't make it to midnight last year at least I got to wake up in the new year with my man by my side. Time has been going so slow, but at least now I get to say I will see you this year, we will be together soon (but not soon enough), we get to ring in our new year with a kiss in May, we get to hold hands and be giddy like we are 16 again, oh how I can't wait. There is so much to look forward to this year, my love comes home, my girls turn two, I get to spend time with friends, family!! I hope everyone has a wonderful new year, and counts all their blessings, and never takes a second of their day for granted. We can't wait to welcome home all our loved ones, who have missed so much!