For the first time in a week, I have woken up not quite rested but not in a depressed gloomy state of mind. I always thought I slept terribly sharing the bed with my husband, him taking the covers and hogging the bed all night, but really I sleep horribly when he is not here...waking up every couple hours throughout the night checking the time, just waiting for the girls to get up. Everytime he leaves whether it's training for a couple weeks or now, my body just doesn't know how to react, I start bruising easily (which I never have bruises) in the most random spots, my bones ache, and I have absolutely no energy. Is this depression? Is it loneliness? What is it? I haven't quite been able to figure it out yet. I actually had a good day yesterday, I got both cars washed, even though it was a bit sad because that was something we did together as a team, but it was refreshing to put the girls in the garage and get outside for a bit! I had a sweet friend bring over pizza and wine and we swapped stories about the things we are going through, about our girls, and about life in general. Then all of a sudden, in the midst of me saying I don't think my girls will ever walk, Jaelyn took four steps and fell into my arms...we couldn't believe it, we screamed out of excitement and tried to get her to do it again so we could record it for "dada". I was so excited to right it in his letter, but knowing that he wouldn't get it for another couple weeks, I was kind of bummed...as my sweet friend was leaving Will called, ugh I have not been so excited to hear his voice and tell him of the good time I had that day, and what Jaelyn had done! We got to talk for about 30 minutes which is our longest so far, he was so excited to hear that Jaelyn had taken some steps, but I could hear it in his voice how sad he was that he missed it.
Sometimes I wonder what if I hadn't chose this life, to marry into the military? Would I still be in Denton wondering what am I going to do with my life? Would I still be working in a salon, barely making it by? What would I be doing? I think about if we hadn't gotten married, would I have met any of these sweet, encouraging friends that we all share such a close bond with...probably not! If we hadn't looked for an apartment in Oct. 2008 and just chose the first one we saw (we were desperate) then I wouldn't have met Kristin, the sweetest person ever, then she wouldn't have introduced me to Trina, a spunky honest sweetheart who can make anyone laugh. I wouldn't have met India who at the time was pregnant and going to deliver her baby without her hubby there, she is a genuine friend who is kind to everyone. If my husband didn't work in the unit that he used to would I have met Bam, an australian with the kindest heart who always has something positive to say (even when her husband is gone), would I have met Pablo who has been like family to me and our sweet girls. I wouldn't have met Ashley (who is no longer in...lucky), we did everything together, we would stay for weeks on end together while our husbands were away training and we would so enjoy every minute we had together, she made all those trainings like it was nothing, we had a blast. We moved out of our old apartments and onto base December of 2009, we were trying to get new housing, but settled for an ocean view 3 bedroom nice house, if we hadn't I probably never would have met my direct next door neighbor Victoria, a loving and caring friend. Then if my husband hadn't gone to school to change to a JTAC and switched units I would never have met his friends wife Sara, who also delievered her first without her hubby, and is pregnant again and will deliver without him again, she is who I am going through it with, we cried together, we laughed together, we have tried to encourage each other as best as we can. All these friends I have around me are amazing, and I can't imagine my life or the girls life without them. We have all become a family no matter how different we all are, we all go through the same things and we relate to one another. I know that friends or family can never replace that spot in your heart for your true love, but they can make that space a little smaller so it's not such a huge hole. Thank you to all my sweet friends who have all gone through this at some point or another...I love you, you are the only way I would make it through this 7 months!
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