Some days I have no problem thinking of things to say, really saying what's on my heart and mind, but days like today I don't know if I have much to say! I was going to share my testimony with those of you who read this, but I think that it might be a bit too honest and most people aren't ready for what my past has to say!
Last night I was writing my husband wishing so bad that I could talk to him, and I wrote him that. I went up to bed to watch some TV and the phone rang, uhh I was so excited it was him. I got to tell him all about our past couple days and the fun things the girls were doing, and about the video I had sent him hoping he was going to be able to watch it! I could still hear a sadness in the back of his voice, as I asked him what was wrong, he said nothing, absolutely nothing...I won't push it, I let it go knowing that there is still a longing for him to be home, and my longing to have him home! As he told me he had been moving around quite a bit for some more classes, but still can't answer the question of when he will be going where he is going, he told me in high hopes "I think where we are going might be better than what they told us, we might actually have a phone." How can he be all the way over there away from us and still have such a positive hopeful attitude? I am constantly learning new things about my husband, he amazes me everyday! He encourages me when I am down, and he is strong when I am not...he is the one that is gone, why can't I be more like him? Why can't I be strong and encouraging even through this hard time? Am I that selfish to where I can't even get out of this funk, but my husband is serving our country in a foreign place can be positive, encouraging, and strong...is this normal for a wife to feel this way? Who knows, but it's how I feel!!
Dear Michelle, although we do not know each other I wanted to respond to let you know that I have been praying for you. I do go to church with your families and when I found out you had a blog I asked your mother in law to send me the link. I have only read today's and yesterdays and wanted to respond to a couple of things. I have no clue how sad you must be, but I would think you are feeling is totally normal, well not the old normal, but what is now becoming normal to you. It was wonderful to read how much you love your husband's strength and how amazed you are at his attitude. Our husbands should be that for us and it showed me how very much you love him.
ReplyDeleteYou are right that it really does not matter what others think, if they truly care about you and your situation then they will love you and walk with you through this shadowy valley.
I think we all go the what if route at times. I am reading a book right now that talks a lot about living in the "what ifs" of the future and "if onlys" of the past. This author points out that the problem of living is the past is that you cannot change it and the problem of living in the future is that the future is not here and may never be. She focuses on Phillipians 4:8 and the command that God gives us to think on what is true. What is true for me and you and all believers is that God loves us, He will never leave us and His word is there to teach us and help us. It is true that your husband is gone for a very long time and that you miss him desperately, but it is also true that you know you have his love and it is true that you have family and friends that can help you through tough times. It is true that God has all this in His plan and control and He loves your husband more than you. You really do not have to be strong, it is really fine to reach out for help. I think you seem to be the type person that would do that for others too.
Again, I will be praying for you, your girls and your husband.
Blessings