Just Another Day!

It's just another lonely day in this big house! I have come to the conclusion that I don't think it will feel like home until he is back and we are a family again. I have recently found myself so attached to my phone that if I don't have pockets I will stuff it wherever I can to make sure it is on me at ALL times. I have never been one to need my cell phone, used to if I forgot it at home when I was going to the mall, I didn't really care what would I need it for anyways? I went to the Homegoods store the other day and as I was getting the girls out of the car and into their stroller I thought I heard something, and of course it was my phone, I barely made it to it (I needed to buckle the girls in first), and thank gosh I made it, it was Will. I have noticed that people text me or call me and unless it's Will, I don't really have the energy or care to answer...is that wrong? I have always been one to answer people back as soon as I get it or as soon as I can, but now I have all these people wanting to hang out and wanting to see how I am doing, but I am too selfish in my own life to respond back! I feel as though I have crawled into a dark hole and there is no way out, I can't see where anything is, and maybe I don't want out, maybe when time gets closer for him to come home I will start to see the light again and start to dig my way out. I realized the other day how desperate I am to be back with my best friend and my love, I didn't realize it as I was doing it, but I found that I had dug through his dirty clothes and found a sweatshirt that I knew he had worn just recently and was sweating in it, I found myself smelling it, just to remember what he smells like, or scrambling to pick up the girls to show them a picture of "dada" but really it's for me to remember his face, or read a book that he recorded for the girls, I read it just to remember his voice! As I have finally reached a week, I keep thinking someone is playing a terrible trick on me, it's like I can't wake up from this terrible nightmare...I hear a noise and I wonder if it's him opening the garage, I hear a motorcycle and I wonder if that's him coming home, I get a text message and that must be him telling me he is on his way home from work. BUT IT'S NOT! If I didn't have the girls, I would sleep this next 7 months away, that's all I would do...but seeming that I have to take care of them, I try to figure some ways to get out and about at night, just to make the days go by faster. I hate to say that I am wishing away the next 7 months, because I hate to lose the precious time that we all wish could slow down for our children, but I need my husband here, I need him to tell me everything is ok, I will watch the girls today while you go out and get your nails done...I need him and more than I ever could have imagined!