Who would have known?

So I started this blog to share my feelings, to let people know about me, my girls, my hubby...our lives, in a different sort of way, a military life, a family life, a normal life (to us)! Well a couple weeks ago my sweet neighbor let me in on finding out who is following your blog or where from, but how many views and what not it has gotten...so much to my suprise other than people from the U.S. that are reading this I also have people that are acually reading my blog everytime I post one from, Canada, France, Spain, UK, Thailand, Germany, Uganda, and Malaysia... I can't believe it! It is amazing to me that people all over the world "tune in" to see what is going on in our crazy life! I am praying that I have touched someone's heart with my story and maybe helped other people be open about their sadness, loneliness, dark times, and also happy times, as I have been! It is so weird to think that no matter how different our lives or cultures can be all over the world, we can still all have the same feelings and emotions at the same time, but it might not be alright for other people to express it and share it the way I have been able to! I hope that maybe someone else in this big ol world will read one of my blogs and see that even on the hardest day of my life, I was still able to come back and be ok and praise God for every minute of every day that He gives me breath to breathe, and the ability to take care of my girls (and email my husband), I hope that they can find the strength to praise God for even the littlest things. Although I know it takes time to realize it, it gets better with time!

I wanna go home!

Yesterday as thanksgiving came and went, I felt lonely and sad... I didn't get to celebrate with my best friend, we didn't get to spend time with family, friends and loved ones together. Every year I look so forward to my mommas Christmas cooking (and since Thanksgiving is the same meal)...we usually are not in town for Thanksgiving, but only Christmas, this year I was so excited for some good turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie...little did I know that it is not the food that makes it so good, it's the people you have to share it with! I felt sick to my stomach all day, and tried to hide the tears that were welling up in my eyes. Why is it that without your other half, things aren't as fun, or holidays don't seem like holidays? I feel as though this holiday season is one that will easily be forgotten, because my heart is not in it this year! I am sad and lonely and just want to go home and be in my own bed, my own house, with my whole family, spending Thanksgiving as we have known it the past couple years, with my bad cooking, and good friends all going through the same things TOGETHER! I get so excited to get a phone call, email, or even a yahoo message, but when I stop and think about it nothing will ever be the same as being together in person and sharing these moments as a family! I hope that everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving and cherished their sweet moments with their families and friends!!

A Hectic Life!!

So I know it's been a few days since I have written, but I didn't realize how busy I would be..on vacation! My mom got to Cali on Thursday and we did some shopping and relaxing while packing and what not! Saturday the madness began... my sweet neighbor took us to the airport, and it was pouring rain and freezing! I was sopping wet from getting everything and the carseats out of the car, it was miserable! Security was suprisingly not too painful, and didn't take as long as our first time! The plane was a bit late, but the girls had a blast with the open freedom of crawling around the airport and everyone giving them attention! The flight was a nice long 3 hours and it wasn't miserable but it was long, the girls took about an hour nap, and Jaelyn kicked me out of my seat so she could sleep in it, which meant I sat on the floor! On the flight Ava started coughing and so the sickness began! She has been having a really hard time breathing, sleeping, eating, anything...so yesterday I took her to the doctor and they took her vitals and said her oxygen level was only at an 88% and that I needed to take her to the ER asap! As much as I hate the ER and the wait, they gave her steroids and did some xrays to make sure she hadn't swallowed anything...when everything came back negative they determined it's the croup! It could have been alot worse, and I'm thankful that that's all it is, but now that she is on these steroids they weaken her immune system and she is not supposed to be around people or out in public...so life will be boring and indoors for a while! And they said it will be about a week to two weeks before Jaelyn will be in the ER being treated for the same thing! Lets cross our fingers and pray to God that maybe she won't get it!

Is it good enough?

So I decided to take a break yesterday, I didn't really feel like doing much. I know I should be taking advantage of this time that I have, especially with my girls. I feel as though I should be trying new things, being adventurous, finding a hobby...but really I don't care about doing any of those things. I have been told repeatedly that raising twins gets easier as they get a little older...for me it has gotten harder. When they were babies all they did was eat and sleep, now I have to fight with them to take a 2nd nap. When they first started eating table foods, they enjoyed just about everything, other than meats, now they won't even eat their favorite thing...pasta! People say they won't starve themselves they will eat when they are hungry, I am starting to think differently, I seriously think they are going to starve themselves. How can I get them to eat, I feel like a bad parent, that my kids are going to be malnurished, or something of that sort. I have also gotten the comment a thousand times well why don't you and other wives switch off with babysitting, or find a babysitter (this is from strangers), because we don't want to watch anymore children than we already have...life is hard enough for me at least with the two of them, I don't want to be adding in any other ones, and I know other people feel the same way. Some random lady last night put her input in and I didn't really care to hear it...she kept going on and on about if I had help, or someone to watch them, and she told me she had a friend who does things for military wives and she would get them to email me...I don't want your help lady!!! I have a really hard time meeting new people and talking to them, and since I have had the girls, strangers talk to me like they have known me for years, they give advice, some helpful, most not, but it's just so aggravating to me...can't people see I'm doing the best I can, that raising the two of them alone is really hard, but that I'm managing, I'm getting by or else I wouldn't be out in public if I couldn't do it! I am tired, exhausted, my body hurts, I'm lonely and I want my hubby back...but I'm doing all I can to raise my girls to the best of my ability, but what if it's not good enough?

Day 13

Day 13- A photo from last summer.

This was his first time taking the girls swimming, since he had been training and gone so much this past summer I had the chance to swim with them quite a bit, but he enjoyed getting the chance to take them!

Jaelyn- she was upset that she had to get out of the water.

Ava didn't seem to mind as much since daddy was holding her!

We finally had a reason for them to wear their cute robes!

One month down!!

So we have officially made it one month, YAY!! Now only 6 more to go. Normally for a training I would be getting the house cleaned up and ready for him to come home this week or next, it still seems so weird not to have him home after this long. Anyways to celebrate me and the girls did a walmart trip, and then we went to Chili's (alone), this is my first restaurant experience by myself. Everyone stared at me, and I could see the looks on their faces that these two little babies were going to ruin everyone's dinner by crying or being loud...well they actually did really good, they sat us in a booth so the girls had to sit next to each other (never a good idea), Jaelyn kept hitting Ava and kept pulling on her shirt, Ava got a bit upset, but other than that they did great!
With the holidays right around the corner and starting to see all the decorations at stores and malls, it makes me a bit sad...to know that I will spend all these holidays alone. I kind of feel like I don't want to participate in anything, why can't we just treat it like any other day? It's not like the girls understand it's Thanksgiving or Christmas. I don't want to buy presents or receive presents without my hubby...I hate knowing that I will be enjoying family, friends, food, and holidays while he is not getting to do anything. It makes me really sad!

Day 12 & A phone call

I woke up to a phone call from my hubby! I felt like I was starting to get a little sick, then he called and made everything go away and has started my day off so good! I love getting to tell him about the girls and trying to keep him in the loop about what they are doing, how they are acting, and what they are eating these days, I love the way he laughs when I tell him something funny they did as if he was here with me and we were laughing about it together!

Day 12- A black and white photo!!

These are two of my all time favorite pictures of us, this was August of 2008 these were our engagement pictures. We had a sweet friend do them and they turned out great, and we had a blast!

Day 11 of photo challenge

Day 11- one of the oldest pictures in your folder

Well this is actually a newer computer so my pictures on here are from the past year, but I will try and dig up the oldest picture I can find.

This is the beautiful Coronado Island, where Will proposed to me!!

My bridal portraits which I think actually came before the proposal (our order was all mixed up :) )

The night before the wedding, we all went to Chili's then to a haunted house!

Day 10 of photo challenge

So I accidentally skipped day 9 and did day 10 yesterday, so I will do the one I skipped today!

Day 9- A picture that showcases motion...

Not really sure what that means, but we will try anyways.

This is one of their favorite things to do, eat! They had just had big girl spaghetti for the first time, and now that's all they eat, pasta with tomato sauce on it!!

This is their other favorite thing to do, if they are cranky one day, swimming will fix everything! They love to splash and drink the water, gross!

Day 8&9 of photo challenge!

Well Day 8 is actually supposed to be a picture of your commute, and since I don't have a commute I decided to skip this one...the only normal commute I have is either to the commissary or to the mall!!

So Day 9 is a photo that was taken that you love

Yet again another one that there are so many pictures to share!!

This is the first time we found out we were having twins...what a suprise, but such a wonderful suprise it has been!!!

This is when we found out we were having two girls, it was a 3D ultrasound, but the best picture was the one that wasn't 3D, the only one with both my girls together!! They kicked each other the whole time!

The girls first couple of days home from the hospital, these were preemie diapers on them, they were so tiny that the nurses in the NICU gave them under 3 lb. diapers to wear.

The girls first trip to the beach, we went to have some pictures taken for Christmas cards (we never sent them out), and they slept the whole time, never woke up to enjoy the cool air, the gorgeous ocean, or the sand between everything.

This is a perfect example of how life still is these days, Ava screaming or being loud and Jaelyn sticking her fingers in her ears to tune her out!! They are best friends and have been since before they were even born!! I love my girls so much, they make each day so much better, and a BIT more entertaining.

Day 7 of photo challenge!

Day 7- A photo from a recent vacation

Well we haven't really had much of a vacation in a while, but I will find a couple that maybe we call a vacation!

Our first trip to Disneyland at 20 weeks pregnant...we couldn't ride many rides, but we had a blast anyways, and we can't wait to take the girls!

My mom came out and watched the girls for us while we went to Vegas for 2 days...it was such a nice, but quick getaway, I needed it so bad! This is our view from the suite that they upgraded us to!

The girls first trip to the San Diego Zoo, it is a massive and beautiful zoo. If you ever make a trip to Cali, it is a must see!!

Looking at all these makes me think that I need a vacation...BADLY!!!

Day 6 of photo challenge-Inspiration!!!

So my sweet neighbor taught me how to put a video in a blog...thank goodness for her and her husband who fixed my computer...I almost had a panich attack when it wouldn't work right! Anyways this is for those of you who didn't look it up! This song actually goes with my photo challenge today, this song almost inspires me to not be sad, to know that he is coming home, and it will be over before I know it...It inspires me to be strong and know that there are so many of us out there going through this right now, and will go through it soon!

Day 6- A photo that inspires you

This is a really big category for me...there is so much in life that inspires me.

This is our sweet girls the day after they were born, their cords, wires, and all. God blessed us with two beautiful girls, and I can't imagine my life any less hectic or different. It is amazing to think that these two bundles of joy grew inside my belly, that life was created in there. Pregnancy still amazes me everyday, and to see even when your babies are 8 weeks early, how good God is no matter what, He kept them healthy and strong.

There is so much about this picture that is inspiring to me, first of all the ocean amazes me, when I look at it and I can't see past it, and to know how much life and things that are in there...It is so huge and almost overwhelming. Second, my girls are always inspiring to me, they are what keeps me strong and pushing through everyday. Third, my husband, he inspires me, he is wonderful. He makes me want to be a better person, and he inspires me to strive to be better everyday! I love him with my whole heart, and can't wait for him to be home. And fourth the sand really inspires me, to feel it between my toes, cold on my feet..ahh there is nothing like barefeet, cold sand, and your family on the beach...I love it!!

Day 5 of photo challenge & a song!

So I don't know how to put a song in here, but I will tell you what it is and you must listen to it! It's Reba Mcentire and Faith Hill Sleeping with the telephone. It is a military wives theme song, something that finally describes how we feel, how are lonely nights go, and how are new companion is our telephone!

Day 5- A photo of your morning.

This morning the girls had their booster shots (yes on a sunday)...this is not typical for us to be up and dressed by 8 am...but at least this challege fell on an early day for us!!

Day 4 of 20 day photo challege

Day 4- Take a picture of where you went today!

So I forgot to take the picture when I got there, but I already had a picture of the girls first ride in a big girl cart at the commissary!

They love going to the commissary, everybody smiles at them and makes faces, and they enjoy every second of all the attention! Ava steers her wheel like a crazy woman, while Jaelyn sits back and makes googly eyes and EVERYONE!!

As much as I hate going to the commissary, last night was nice and quiet and not many people there, so it was nice to still get out and get some fresh air!

Thankful for....

So yesterday I opened a new roll of paper towels and written on them it said there is so much to be thankful for if you just take the time to look! And since it is almost Thanksgiving, I wanted to write what I am thankful for and blessed with!
I am thankful for first and foremost a gracious, forgiving, caring Lord God Almighty... He loves me no matter what, He is strong when I am weak, and He forgives me when I fall down and stumble along the way. I am thankful for my amazing husband, who is also my best friend, I couldn't imagine my life without him, he has always been there for me through thick and thin, through the good times and the bad, who works his rear end off so I can stay home and raise our girls. I am thankful for my two beautiful daughters who make my day so much brighter even when I just look at them. Caring for them by myself might be hard but it is so rewarding to see the way they look at me and want to snuggle with me, I couldn't imagine having two better girls! I am thankful for my family, my mom and dad have always been huge supporters of me and everything I do, my mom is always willing to help me with anything and everything, and I have always been a daddys girl...I am still his pumpkin pie. My in-laws are amazing, I never have to even ask they are always offering their time and things to make my life a little easier. I am thankful for my friends, without them I don't know how I would make it through this hard time, being able to get to know them and spend time with them is some of the best part of my days. I am thankful for a roof over my head, for my health and my families health, for the food that we have to put on the table (or the money to go get food, since I don't usually cook when I'm alone), for modes of transportation, for the clothes that I have! I am so thankful for everything I have, but I hate to see that most of us (including me) don't take the time to think about it and be thankful for all of our things until this time of year! I hope that you can also see all the things in your life that you are blessed with and be thankful for them, even the little ones.

Death & Day 3 of Photo Challenge!

For some reason today my heart, my mind, and my body all feel overwhelmed, I feel as though I have run out of steam to keep going! My poor girls have been getting wipe baths instead of real baths because a real bath is so time consuming and so hard for me to do alone, but finally last night I gave them a bath...the first one in 3 days! Life is going 1000 mph around me and I can't keep up, but the days seem to drag out and are so long. The other day I got an email from our FRO (family readiness officer), he keeps us all posted on things that are going on around base, our guys, and other things that are happening...anyways the first line of the email was he was sorry to inform us that there had already been a casualty in 2/1 (my husbands unit)...my heart sank, I couldn't get through the email fast enough to find out who it was. He said he would post us later on of what happened, but it was like getting punched in the stomach so hard you can't get up afterward...I can't believe they haven't even been there 3 weeks and this has already happened. My heart goes out to the family, but in a way I feel happy that it's not my family that this happened to. Is that wrong or selfish? I don't know what I would do without my husband, my soul mate, my best friend...life could never be the same!

Day 3- A picture of your street!

These are actually pictures that my neighbor took of our street, I just took them from her blog (since Wills car is in the first picture)

This is a view from our backyard...I love waking up to see the ocean every morning, this is my favorite thing about this house!

Day 2 of 20 day photo challenge!

Day 2- A picture you have taken of the beach

This is one of Will and Jaelyn on our first walk down the beach in Oceanside, that is the Oceanside Pier in the background.

This one was the first time we took our dog Rocky to the Del Mar dog beach, in January of 2009. He had a blast playing in the water, even though it was freezing.

We were in La Jolla village at an aquarium, and this was the view from the outside, it was a beautiful day!

The girls first trip to lay out on the beach...too much sand and not warm enough!! I guess we will wait till next summer to try again!

20 Day Photo Challenge

I am going to try something a little different, I have a friend who is doing a 20 day photo challenge. I looked through them and I don't think I have all the pictures, but I will do the best that I can!

Day 1- A picture of yourself

Day 2- A picture you have taken of the beach

Day 3- A picture of your street

Day 4- A picture of where you went today

Day 5- A picture of your morning

Day 6- A picture that inspires you

Day 7- A picture from a recent vacation

Day 8- A picture of your commute

Day 9- A picture that showcases motion

Day 10- A picture that was taken at one time that you love

Day 11- One of the oldest pictures you have in your picture folder

Day 12- A black and white photo

Day 13- A picture from last summer

Day 14- A picture taken with your cell phone

Day 15- A picture that you edited

Day 16- A picture of you more than 10 years ago

Day 17- A picture of what you wore today

Day 18- A picture of you and a best friend

Day 19- A favorite picture of yours

Day 20- Any picture you want



I don't know how long this will take me, but I will try it out for a while!!



Day 1- A picture of me!!

This is me at my baby shower that Shari and Sharidon threw for me. I was 30 weeks pregnant with the girls! I guess being a mommy I don't take many pictures of myself so this is one of the only ones that I have!!

It's our anniversary!

I can't believe the month of November is here, I have such a busy month and hope that I can stay busy so it flies by...some friends hair to do for their balls, baby shower, my momma comes, we fly to Texas, and Thanksgiving...but most importantly our 2 year wedding anniversary is today! Nothing like having two special days back to back! So I figured I would tell you all how we met, fell in love, and our story!
We both grew up in Denton, Tx, Will had been there his whole life, but I was born in Houston, moved quite a few times and then a couple times around the Denton area. We started going to Denton Bible way back, I don't even remember how long it's been! 8 years ago this past summer we met at church, ah it was like automatic fireworks (for me at least, I don't know about him)! We were going to be working the kids sports world together, so I found out what sport he was coaching for and I signed up for the same one, it was basketball...I played basketball in junior high and highschool, but my real passion was volleyball, but I didn't care I coached basketball so I could get to know him better. We ended up starting to "date" right away, although are parents weren't too thrilled with the idea of two 15 year olds dating, but we liked each other alot! We turned 16 and we were able to actually go places, see movies, out to dinner, or just hang out at each others houses! I remember the first time he told me he loved me...in a letter :) so when I asked why he couldn't say it to me it was always in just a little note, he stuttered it out! At the end of our sophmore year of highschool we broke up, we didn't want to be those people who had never dated anyone else, who were highschool sweet hearts but later get divorced because they didn't know what else was out there, and we wanted to focus on our sports and our last highschool years! We both dated other people and it would make me so jealous when he would bring one of his other girlfriends to church, ugh I would be so angry! We happened to keep running into each other at random places (besides Church) for the rest of our highschool years. Then his senior year he joined the Marine Corps, he was gone before the graduation ceremony had even taken place! We didn't have much communication for a while, but then all of a sudden I got an email out of the blue, he was in Iraq for his first deployment, and had also been stationed in Japan...I couldn't believe he emailed me, it was so random. We started emailing regularly, just about everyday I would hear from him, and then he would let me know when he would be gone for a week for a mission. He said when I come home for Christmas can I take you out to dinner, I said of course! So Christmas time rolled around and he came over for Christmas eve and we all hung out and talked then he took me to On the Border, and it was like reuniting with an old best friend, but better! He was about to leave when we were outside talking, and he said to me when I get stationed in California I want you to come out there and marry me...I didn't quite process the information until a couple days later when I had had time to think about it! So I emailed him after he had already left for Japan and asked him if he was serious about what he had said! He said well of course or else he wouldn't have said it! So I said ok, from then on we started talking wedding, with our families and friends...everyone was so shocked, where did this come from, didn't ya'll just start talking again? Our hearts had always been in love, but our minds were in different places! We decided to get the Chapel at our home Church for New Years Eve, it was going to be a celebration! By September we had just about everything ready, but we were afraid he was going to get deployed early that next year, so we moved our wedding up almost two months, everybody got frantic that it was now just a month away instead of 2! There was one little problem, he hadn't proposed to me yet! He came home for leave when he was being switched duty stations from Japan to California and we all thought that's when the proposal would happen....but NO! I decided to make a trip out to Cali and see him, it was August 26 2008 and we stayed in Coronado for a nice long weekend, then one night he took me out to dinner at IL Fornao (don't know how to spell it) and then we took a walk around the beautiful park and beach, he got down on one knee and gave me a beautiful speech that I don't remember because I was so shocked he did it in front of so many people walking by! He gave me a dog tag that said Michelle Barns My Princess Always and Forever, well of course I had to say yes! I got to spend 10 days with him, that was the most I had seen him since we dated our sophmore year! I flew home the day before my birthday, but was really bummed, so we immediately booked me another flight out for October! Military couples are different in their way of marriage and weddings...you have to be married in order to get your off base housing allowance in order for the guys to move out of the barracks. So when I came out in October we started looking for somewhere to live, we saw an apartment complex looked and agreed that would work for us, but we couldn't sign a lease until we were married which meant we would have no were to live when we moved out there in November...so we drove to Vegas and got married on Oct. 11, I know not many people know this...our parents know but most of our home friends and other family members don't know! We wanted to keep the wedding special and for everyone to still attend! We were able to get all the we needed done so we could have a place to live immediately when we moved out! November finally rolled around and it was our wedding day, we had an amazing beautiful wedding, and the chapel was filled with people, it was a day I will never forget, and I had the most handsome groom dressed in his dress blues! That night we flew out for our honeymoon, we went to the Poconos (don't know how to spell that either)...we had a blast just relaxing, getting to take a day trip up to New York, and just having fun! It was soon over and back to reality and moving...we had the movers back up all my stuff out of storage and off to California we went! It was pretty normal around here for the first couple months, then January rolled around and I found out I was pregnant (wahoo, we were so excited), but then January 28 I had a miscarriage, it was one of the hardest days of my life! We picked our heads up and new we would have another chance! By the end of February I found out I was pregnant again...we weren't going to announce this one other than to family only! In early March I went to the hospital for bleeding, I just knew I was having another miscarriage, when we got there they said everything looked ok and the bloodwork was fine but they would do an ultrasound just to make sure! When the ER nurse stopped and paused and looked confused, she said "I have only ever seen this on one other person" we were confused by what she was talking about, she said "You're having twins"....WHAT no that's not possible, we don't have twins in our families, we hadn't done any kind of treatments...nothing! My pregnancy went great, we had a couple problems of early contractions, and morning sickness, but other than that it was great...we did everything went to disneyland, stayed in Coronado, and went body boarding at the beach everyweekend, even the day before my water broke! On September 12 our beautiful girls were born, although the next four weeks were long with them in the hospital we were so blessed to have two beautiful healthy girls! Life as we knew it had changed, we were parents and we didn't get out much anymore we just stayed put to feed the girls every 4 hours and to nap all day! The past two years have been so eventful for us, but so fun as well! I couldn't ask for a better husband and two sweeter girls, I have the perfect family! I know no one is perfect, but my family is perfect for me, their flaws and all. My husband means the world to me, and I fall in love with him more everyday, I can't wait to have him back home with us. I hope you all enjoy our love story and our journey as much as I have. I am so blessed!